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Special Needs

March 16, 2011

I got special needs. Yeah, that’s right. I’m special and you knew it. Anyways my needs are for a certain type of milk. I’m lactose intolerant and I need it for the few coffees I get through in my hectic work day otherwise Moses would be in the bathroom parting the Brown Sea.

So I got the special milk in the fridge, next to the cleaners breast milk and there I ain’t no way I’m drinking that, not even straight from the tap. I’m getting plenty of action.

Anyways, the milk keeps disappearing from the fridge a lot faster than I’m a drinking it. Now I got a staff of hundreds here in the office, like I said I run an international corporation out here on Ibiza.

So somebody has been drinking the milk. One of the staff. Like I don’t love them as if they were my own children, I slave away to make sure that they can have the sort of life that they want. And as long as paying tax ain’t something they want then we’re a big happy family.

Hundreds of people work for me, so it does take some deduction as to which one of the ungrateful…which one of them was drinking it. I get separate milk for them out of my own pocket!

So I went all Sherlock on my Homies. You gotta eliminate the possible or whatever. So of all my hundreds of homies I got working here I whittled it down to the five of them that, you know, come into the office and don’t just appear in my minds eye. They said it wasn’t them.

Had this guy working for me three months ago. Nice guy from Limey Land, but I think he must have been drinking my milk in his tea or something. Even though he ain’t here no more. I got my office manager to write to him cos I’m too busy to handle these issues.

But the milk still goes faster than I drink it. I just don’t know why.

It’s you drinking it, ain’t it? Drink the normal kind, not the stuff for my special needs! Or get a mouthful of that titty bottle if that floats youre boat.

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