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Cruise the Med in Style – Cheaper!

When I got out from under that camel I was relieved. Yeah, you should smell their farts!

But I wasn’t just relieved, I was at the port in Libya! They must have been pleased to see me cos they kept firing into the air. Thanks guys!

Then I had to run around to find my cruise agent – they seem to have moved office, the old one looked like a bomb had hit it! I found the guy, great guy, and he got me a place on the next boat out. And boy was it cheap!

You won't see me in the pic - I got a bargain ticket in the hold!

I never knew cruising to Italy was so popular with Africans!


Camel Toe to Libya!

Now I’m taking a luxurious land cruise to Tripoli! Ya know Tripoli, right? Sure ya do – General Gaddafi runs it and he likes camel toes as much as I do!

Not that sort of camel toe! But he looks good!

This kind! Hurts my bunions when it gets frisky!

Lucky I do, too, because some of those occupiers weren’t as stupid as they smelled and saw the business opportunity in me. Now I’m lookin’g at four juicy camel toes as we race across the Gobi desert to my Mediterranean cruise!

And I got those occupiers down to a reasonable price! You knew I would, right, that’s why you like my tips!

Course, I got a lower class of ticket. I’m hanging under the camel. Awesome view!

Comfortable at last. But then it peed on me!

I’m a One Per-center! Get a Job!

So I get to Tahrir Square and it’s packed with these unwashed 99% whiners!

And when I say unwashed, that’s coming from a guy that stinks of whale and elephant doo!

These guys are lazy whiners! I'm in the 1%!

These 99% people, they should get a job. Like me! I have a luxury yacht, and soon I’ll tell ya all about my jet!

Deluxe Yacht! Cheaper

Okay, so I’m in the whale and I hear a rumbling. Ya know the rumbling, right? So what, you were never in a luxury yacht – you’ve eaten spicy food! Next thing I know I’m on the beach in Sharm El Shaik!

That whale let out a mighty roar. It was the stubble from my beard grating against his brown eye! My second wife was ALWAYS complaining about that!

Now that is a deep tan! I should bottle it!

Everybody else ithere was covered in crap tattoos! I was covered in crap!

I looked really out of place – everybody else was pink and I was a deep brown! Whale bowel is a great place to tan! Not much of a perfume, though.

Ever been on an all fish diet? So you know the smell!

Moses Entered the Whale? Front or Back Way?

Well that Elephant got me to the sea. I could hear them shouting “laxative” outside. I was pretty comfortable in there!

Then I was pushed out real hard!

It was like being born again – as elephant poop! The Hindus really dig rebirth!
Turns out it’s more of my thousands of employees and I’m at the shore waiting for my next luxury transport.

Not a yacht! They’re gonna shove me up a whale’s ass just like Moses!

My luxury yacht! Thousands of employees love to do this for me!

I love making my employees happy, and these ones were really having a good time!

I Was Honored Like a King!

So I managed to get from Vietnam into India!

You know, I got thousands of people working for me in India, and I know some of them are gonna wanna help me out! I did so much for them, and what goes around comes around!

When I found the place with thousands of my employees I found the guy I know. He was so pleased to see me! But they show that in a funny way in India, like they turn and run and hide or something. Anyway, once I get hold of him he tells some of my other thousands of employees about me, and how I like to travel internationally. In Indian, or whatever language they speak.

I travel in style! My thousands of employees treat me like royalty!

It turns out that travelling by elephant is the honor they want to give me!

Apparently the real honor is travelling IN the elephant! I’m like Noah in the Elephant, like the bible story!

Around the World in Eighty Euros

So you’re axin’ how I got from Japan to Belfast, right? Sure you are – you wanna travel around the world in style and you wanna do it cheaper!

I’m in Japan and I need a place to stay before I get on the fishing boat to Vietnam. Easy! There’s a whole empty nuclear power station down there! And the best thing is, I glow so much now that I don’t have to spend money on lighting!

But I really had to hide under those fishing nets when I swam out to the boat! That smell reminds me of my first wife! And she has a ritch cousin!

‘Course I can spell ritch! R-I-T-C-H! So there!

You know, there are no direct flights from Mallorca to Ireland! This is the only way to do it!

See - I told ya there are NO direct flights!